My first STD was from a foam party
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
