I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
