so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
