Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
