sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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