I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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