Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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