4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize