did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Girls should come with a carfax report
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
