I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
