By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize