The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
