I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
