i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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