so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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