How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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