i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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