Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
