it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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