Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
