We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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