So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
