Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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