you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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