I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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