Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
