also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
