Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
