The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize