My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
