atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
