I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
