he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
