you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You took a bar mat shot.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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