I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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