jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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