the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
