i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
