he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
