No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
