I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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