The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
