A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
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