hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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