nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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