are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont even know how to be here
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
