I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
