He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
