How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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