just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
