God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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