We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
