Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
