can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
