Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
