exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
