i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
