After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize