God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
