I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
