It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
false alarm, still single
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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