my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
