Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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