I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
