Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
