Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
