Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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