i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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